This is what I’ve been writing for the past who knows how long when I turn the pages open (almost) every morning to journal. The Artists Way – getting up early to translate my thoughts into words. “I’m Tired.” “I’m exhausted”. Well then, I say to myself, do something about it. So that’s what I’m going to do. I’m taking a break. This 40 day challenge, no blogging for me.
It hit me last week. If you saw a certain website, you know that I put myself out there. I was proud to be strong, having the statements of “Strong is the new Skinny”. I was proud. I was proud to be athletic. Balanced and healthy. Unfortunately, even the strongest find it hard to hear certain things. All it took were a few not so nice body-image comments (my weakness, what can I say – I’m normal) to make me want to give up. To hide. I started to think, what’s the point? Of being bold. Of trying to be strong. Of trying to inspire. And having others knock me down for it. That is definitely not the reason why I put myself out there so much. Definitely not.
Having spent a few days away, hiding beside the ocean and amongst the trees on the island has given me a different persepective. It has given me some time to think. Is this what I want? To put myself out there for everyone to see, allowing anyone to voice their opinions no matter how harsh they might be? For someone with thicker skin, no problem. But me? I don’t know if I can take it. Not right now anyways. I’m tired. I don’t have as much to give right now as I would like. I’m not as strong right now as I’d like to be.
Putting yourself out there is brave. Bold. Courageous. It was definitely a wake-up call and new realization for me. To get far in life, you must be all of these. But with all of these comes the ability, rather the necessity, of deflecting. Deflecting the opinions of others who think otherwise. Choosing what you want to hear, and taking into consideration the others, but not letting it get to you. I haven’t built myself up to this, yet. I honestly didn’t know I would even have to.
I’m going to take this time off to reflect. To take a time out. I need to pay attention to what I need. Obviously, since I’ve become so sensitive to some hurtful comments, I need to spend some time doing what I need. Putting more energy into myself. Doing things that I have been neglecting lately. Spending more time outdoors, visiting friends, making healthy food, running my heart out, practicing yoga, the whole shabam.
I admire those who are brave enough to take it all. The judgements, hurtful comments, you name it. It’s so easy for someone hiding behind a computer to write their nasty opinions. To me, that’s not brave. It’s plain out cowardly. Why are there people out there like this? Is it some sort of test? A test of courage for the strong to surface and to become even stronger? To become warriors? Perhaps. Perhaps it helps us to be strong. Either way, it’s a beautiful reminder to keep my opinions to myself and to recognize how tough it can be to be different. To stand out. That person at the open mic who’s singing off key? At least they’re up there, I’m not.
If you’re brave enough to be bold and courageous, to do things out of the norm – I applaud you. It sure can be tough sometimes. So thank you to everyone who inspires me on a daily basis to keep writing. It’s time for a well-needed break. I’m excited for it. I will be back, stronger than ever. I will see you in 40 days.
Thank you to Diana from Tiny Devotions for creating this video with me. I have had a goal for months to vlog about vision boards – well guess who called me up asking me to do one with her. Yep! If you put it out there, ANYTHING, and believe it with all your heart – it will manifest.