Day 16 – Once again, not ready to write much!

The last few days have been a bit of an emotional roller coaster along with a flattering and eventful evening.  I’m just a big ball of confusion right now, and to be honest I’m feeling a little numb – not really sure how to feel I guess you could say.  I do know that once again I’m not feeling up to writing much about myself.  It will pass.  I know that some people are waiting to hear about what’s going on, but not tonight.  Tomorrow night I don’t have any plans, so it will be an authentic, fun filled blog I’m sure.  These long days are catching up with me!

One thing I can share is something that I took away with me from my yoga class tonight.  Reno’s back bend Monday’s. My favourite class of the week.  I couldn’t miss it.  I was in search of some guidance and asked before class started to receive a sign.  Perhaps a direction maybe?  Lately with some stuff that’s come up, I’ve had a bunch of emotions that I just want out.  An outlet.  A healthy way to help express myself and perhaps to learn more about where it’s coming from and what exactly my body is trying to tell me. For me, this outlet is music.  I’ve been picking up the guitar more than normal over the past few days, and I even ran by a Tom Lee to play some piano.  Imagine some sweaty chick dressed head to toe in luon playing classical tunes on a random rainy Sunday afternoon.  That was me!  I needed it!!

There were a few things from class that stood out for me tonight, but the one thing that resonated the most was this, “Live your music.  Let it out.  Don’t hold back what you know in your heart to be true”.  This is what I’m doing.  Living my music.  My emotions are written all over this page, the pretty and the ugly.  I’m sharing what’s in my heart to help myself heal as well as to perhaps make someone else feel that everything is okay.  To know that there are people out there that feel the same way.  Pheww!  I know how much better it feels to have someone other than myself, or my journal, sympathize with me when I’m sharing my feelings.  Just like how the smiles and goosebumps in the room grow when another instrument is added to the mix.  Different sound but it’s the same tune.  We’re all in this together.  Whatever your music might be, live it and let it out!

Don’t hold back in your heart what you know to be true.  We always know.  It’s the believing in it that’s the hard part.  I wanted to shake a “yes” or a “no” out of him tonight at the end of class to help me on my path, but all I was left with was “You always know”. Okay fine, you’re right!  I just have to listen.

Smile with your heart!

Categories: Uncategorized


  1. sending u a big hug jen and some words i am giving myself lately, “i love you” : )

  2. Watch the endearing film Once:)

  3. Hi Jen,
    I came across your blog through another thread, and I love what you are doing. You are inspiring people in a genuine and sincere way. It is easy to tell when a person is following their dream and their truth, and I think that you are doing that. Not everyone is so brave. I love your goal setting, it is something that I need to do in my life in a more defined manner. It is inspiring to see someone who has set goals and followed through. Really, very good for you.
    It is unusual for me to send a message to someone I have never met, but I am also in transition, and your blog represents something that I needed right now. I gather that you are going through a challenging time, and I hope it is positive to know that someone recognizes, simply from reading this, that you are something special and you will come out strong and on top.
    Anyways, I will be following and setting goals. Thank you for putting this out there. It seems like such a simple concept, but to be effecting peoples lives in a positive way is immeasurably important. Thank you.
    p.s. I have been to Reno’s classes as well and they are the best.

    • Yahooo to setting goals!!! Thanks for taking the time to write MT!!! Aren’t his classes awesome!!! Thank you for the positive feedback – I really appreciate you writing this. THANK YOU!!

  4. Jen,

    We all get days like this where we feel no sense of direction or self worth…but then something happens and suddenly we are embracing life, smelling the flowers and smiling at the beauty and wonder that surrounds us. Sometimes we need to have some ‘down’ days to truely see and appreciate what lies before us. I undestand how you are feeling and am with you all the way.

    You are a true inspiration :-)

  5. Hi Jen!

    I know it might be hard to see, but you are still inspiring even in your down days. You seem to have the right things to say and preach even if you are down, but the trick is like you said, believing in them. That is usually my problem too!

    I wish you a ‘Terrific Tuesday’!

    Thank you for still writing even though you are not in the mood, it truly shows how motivated you are!

  6. Amen! We are all in this together…your emotions and feelings are mine, and mine are yours. When one is weak, another is strong. Balance. Everything you are feeling is all right. It is part of your process, your journey…to just let it be. Feel the love and grace that surrounds your beautiful spirit and know “all is well”.
    I appreciate you taking the time to write your thoughts and to express them to the world. That takes courage. You make my heart smile. :)

  7. One of my favorite quotes from my granny- “Things always work out in the end, if they aren’t worked out, its not the end.”

    Enjoy your off moments because they help you enjoy the on moments!! Thanks for your amazing posts! Your blog has inspired me this week. Thanks for posting your passions!

  8. Man, you’re hot.

  9. Sorry Jenn* and understand* :-)

  10. I think you’re amazing, Jen and absolutely inspirational! I just wanted to take the time to say, ‘thank you’ for having the courage to share your thoughts and feelings with us! I’m going through a major transitional period in my life right now too. I’m in the process of finishing up my undergrad degree in Gender Studies, then I’m moving to Vancouver on April 24th. I’m from a fairly small city in Ontario, at least it’s small in comparison to Vancouver so needless to say, I’m nervous about the ‘big move’. I also plan on applying for the Sept. 2012 entrance to the nursing program at UBC with the end goal of one day being a nurse-midwife. For the first time in my 23 years, I feel like I’m doing what I truely want to do, and not what others (aka my parents) expect me to do or what I think* they expect me to do. I’ve also gone from weighing 175 lbs in July when I did next to no exercise (I was always slightly overweight as a kid, but that was when I was at my heaviest and not coincidentally, when I was my most miserable self) to running five days a week and gaining so much confidence and energy, in the process. I’m beginning to feel at home in my own body; it’s an irreplaceable feeling! Anyways, I wanted to tell you that I couldn’t have found your blog at a better time, in my life! You’re such a source of inspiration, kindness, wisdom and joy! THANK YOU for simply being you; you make a difference! P.S. I already practice Yoga, but you’ve made me want to take-up kickboxing now too; it looks like an incredible workout :)

    • Thanks for thanking me for writing my whole life out there!!! haha.. Some times I don’t know why I do it!! lol. That’s so great you’re moving to van!! You will love it!! And the UBC program is only 20 months!! I applied there but didn’t get it. You will love it. Prepare to not have much of a life outside of school, but the friendships you will make are priceless. There’s a special bond between nurses, especially your classmates, that only you will be able to understand!! I love my nursing girls!! I’m stoked for your new and exciting life!! Thanks for writing!!!

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