I’m sitting here at Bondi beach right now just soaking it all in. Watching the surfers ride their waves, people running on the sea wall and fellow coffee goers drinking their flat whites and long blacks at all of the small but unique cafes on the main street. Life is good here. I’m just passing time waiting for Raf to finish work. I just met up with my friend Dani who I met whilst working in Whistler. Love that girl! And love your kickass vision board even more! Dani is the one person who really inspired me to start picking up the guitar. If i stay until sunday here shes promised me she will sing at an open mic. Done!
So last night reggae night didn’t happen. Instead I was feeling really tired, along with the other girls in my room so we decided to stay in (with a few bottles of wine of course). It’s funny what girls always seem to talk about when they get together. Boys and relationships. Always. We realized that all of us had just recently split from our boyfriends and were hence traveling on our own. It did make me begin to miss my ex and his family, I do have to say.
We got to talking and the other girls were feeling the same way. It’s difficult to NOT think of someone when you have loads of free time on your hands. I shared what has been helping me through this time, as well as what saved me through my last horrific break up. I want to share this because I seem to get the most emails from readers when I write about how I’m getting through this. It’s like we all just want to be connected and it helps knowing someone else feels the same way. This might be a bit of a long blog but I’m going to share what continuously helps me to move forward.
One word: Hetox. What is that you say?! I got the idea from the book “i
It’s called a breakup because it’s broken” from the authors of “He’s just not that into you”. He suggested that you make no contact with your ex for 30 days. No calling, testing, emailing or even creeping on facebook. At first it is the hardest thing you could possibly imagine, but it makes things easier in the long run.
Talking about this yesterday started bringing up some sad feelings for me. I began to feel guilty for not calling him before I left. I then remembered something my counsellor engrained in my head.
It’s okay to be selfish.
This is my life and I can’t do things based on making other people happy. I have to do what’s ultimately BEST for me. And right now that means no contact.
The girls yesterday were excited about this idea but then instinctively both agreed that they would ‘feel bad’ if they didn’t reply when he next called. You know what I said to that? $@(! feeling bad! What is the point of it? You ultimately have to choose to do things that make you feel good, not based on the way someone else will feel. This is your life and you only get one.
The next time you are faced with a tough decision like this, ask yourself ‘would I be doing this for him or for me?’ If the answer is so that HE feels good then maybe you should think twice.
And don’t worry about them ‘hating you’. Time heals everything. I did a Hetox with my other ex a long while ago and yes I admit, I didn’t have very many happy feelings towards him. Sure he probably didn’t like it either but it had to be done. When you know you aren’t meant to be in an unhealthy relationship, it’s time to move on. There’s no point holding on to something that’s broken. There really isn’t.
So yes, I understand that you are worried about what him and his family might think, but remember time heals everything. Now, that past ex ad I are on okay speaking terms and all that anger is gone. And to be honest now, I couldn’t really care less either way because we played the part we had to do in each others lives and moved on. I can honestly say I’m happy for him.
If you are struggling through a breakup, maybe try this advice and start a 30 day Hetox. Put yourself first for once. When you miss him/her, send them love. Wish them happiness. Wish them love. In doing this you are allowing yourself to forgive and to let go. And only until you let go will you be able to let heaps of love pour in for yourself. Life is so amazing. There is so much to learn, especially through the hardest times. You can do this! We are in it together.
Let go of your unhealthy attachments today. It is a new day, a new and exciting beginning for you. You will find strength in yourself that you didn’t know was there. You really can do it! It has worked for me in the past and is helping me now on this beautiful beach in Australia, to enjoy the moment right now. Life is ahead of us, not behind us. So start living it!
Typical day at Bondi Beach :)
Smile with your heart!