I love weddings. Who doesn’t love weddings??! Michelle’s brother, Marco, got married yesterday. He finally took the plunge!! Way to go Marco! Congrats Marco & Marlen :) It was an AMAZING day. Italy meets Portugal. Soooo much food, lots of wine and of course an open bar. Course after course of incredible food! If you’ve ever been to an Italian wedding, you understand what I mean. I probably ate for at least 4 people last night and loved every bite. Antipasto, calimari, pasta, wine, chicken cordon blue with potatoes & green beens, more wine, a seafood plate of clams & muscles, salad, dessert, more wine, coffee, and even a midnight snack bar. INSANE!! I LOVE ITALIAN WEDDINGS!! I’m so proud to be Italian :) (Well at least I pretend to be, since I consider the Guadagni’s to be my second family).
Weddings are kinda tough for newly single people (coming from experience). I’ve been doing really well with this break-up thing. So well in fact that I have been EXPECTING a grief-quake since surprisingly I haven’t shed too many tears. Funny thing about weddings is that you often find yourself thinking about your own relationship, or a lack thereof. I was okay at first, but then something struck me later on in the evening (after a few glasses of wine) when Daniel asked me a question and all of a sudden I started to cry. It was weird because I was smiling, but crying, and couldn’t control it. It’s as though I had to let the tears out.
The grief-quake had hit.
Like any natural disaster, it was unexpected and it shook me up. A lot. I had a great time all night, but I have to admit it was hard. My heart still feels a bit raw. I made it through and was so happy to be surrounded by so much love but found myself feeling a tad bit lonely :).
There were a few aftershocks to the grief-quake. I had some yucky dreams last night. I even got chased by a bear and had to hit him over the head with a frying pan to get away. Weird. I woke up feeling just kinda down. I swear, alcohol is NOT GOOD! It doesn’t help! I went for a run, met a friend for coffee (Steph you are so inspiring – thank you!), and just felt like staying home. I called Nat to cancel plans for later as I just felt like being alone. The mopey pants were on tight.
Later on, Nat called me and convinced me that I should come over. I’m so glad I traded the mopey pants in for my hot leather jacket and headed out. I felt so loved tonight. All weekend for that matter. Nat made a massive meal with SO MUCH LOVE for Melissa & I and a bunch of her friends. She is amazing. When we got home, Melissa took an hour out of her evening and led me through a yoga class. Amazing. I really don’t know what it is about yoga but something switched. I started feeling at peace once again. WHY?! Why does yoga help so much? I don’t know. But everyone I know who practices can relate to this. It’s the strangest thing. Maybe it’s because we allow ourselves to feel and to breathe. Our worries just seem to fade away and all we are left with is the precious moment and our breath. I’m so grateful for yoga and for my incredible friends.
Break-ups suck. Really suck. But I like to think of them as our hearts being broken-open. I’ve become more vulnerable and more open to receiving love from my friends and family. I am so INCREDIBLY grateful, more than EVER, to have such amazing people surrounding me. This weekend, I got to speak with and spend time with so many people I love. My Nursing girls Friday night, Mandy & Melissa on Saturday, my Italian family Saturday night, skype dates with Tim & Pookie today, Nat’s family tonight, and all of this followed by a private yoga class taught with love. I am learning to receive all of this, because I NEED it. I don’t know how I would get through this on my own. Break-opens are such a beautiful thing. I’m learning so much about myself. I’m growing each and every day. I’m becoming such a more gentle, calm, patient, humble and grateful human being. I’m turning this shitty time into an experience I will never forget, and a time that I will always be grateful for. I just know it! Sometimes life is tough, but what doesn’t shoot you down only makes you stronger :)
Melissa read this to me at the end of her yoga class tonight. I felt that it was perfect for this blog. Thank you to everyone special in my life. I love you!
Smile with your heart!