Phewwww… that was a doozy! I don’t think I’ve ever felt that exhausted for so long, ever. I am slowly making my way back and am enjoying taking it a bit easier than normal. I don’t know what happened, but I can remember a specific day in August where it felt like something had hit me. All I had the energy to do was sleep and sleep and then sleep some more. It’s like I had whiplash from a crazy summer of too much school, too many emotions, and too much exercise. The funny thing is that now I’m starting to feel better, I am glad this happened to me. I’m realizing now what I learned throughout the past 5 or so weeks.
I swear the universe (or whatever you want to call it) was telling me to SLOW DOWN. I obviously wasn’t taking the hints sent to me because I kept trying to force my high energy, force a smile, and after a few efforts there was no chance in winning. I hibernated. Yes, I had to. So please don’t take it personal if it seems like I fell of the planet for a few weeks. My phone even broke 3 different times, as if I just HAD to get the hint to chill OUT! I don’t have a phone right now for a few more weeks (it’s getting fixed somewhere probably in ontario or something) and I actually really like it. No checking to see who called, no “what did I miss” feelings. I am just being in every moment. I absolutely love it. If someone has to get a hold of me, they will. It’s as easy as that.
I realized throughout this time what is important to me. I went through a period of being self-centered.. trying to focus so hard on getting my energy back. I didn’t have anything to give. I felt awful being this selfish. One day it just clicked though. I had had enough of trying different things to help me feel better. I had finally given up trying. That’s when it occurred to me that maybe I should try GIVING to people other than myself, even though that felt incredibly hard to do with not much to give. I could start with small things, maybe even blogging about trying to feel better when it feels impossible (which might help someone reading this!!). I swear, just this thought alone helped things turn around. I started to feel more connected. More connected to the people around me, as well as to myself. It’s amazing how a shift of thought towards something outside of ourselves -something for the greater good- can have such a dramatic effect on how we feel.
Ride the wave. Life is gonna throw some nasty things at us and honestly, the more we resist the harder it becomes. I learned to succumb to my fatigue and just feel it. I allowed myself to do nothing (which is SO HARD for me!!!). I allowed myself to be alone and to feel tired, to feel grumpy at times and to just be. I know what it feels like to look at energetic people and think, “what are they doing different? I want to feel like that!” And we will. In time. But not all the time, that’s for sure. Life flows like a wave. The best thing to do is to realize this and just enjoy the ride. Sometimes we’re going to be up, and sometimes we’re going to be down. But the cool thing to be aware of is this pattern. Knowing this helps you to smile during those rough patches and realize that nothing is permanent. We can only make the best of everything in our path.
I’m glad to be back! I promise to try and inspire you once again, hopefully on a daily basis :) I feel like I have a lot of things to catch up on and share! I am excited!! – as you can see in the picture :)
Smile with your heart!