Where to start. I wouldn’t be the person I am without my experiences of a broken heart. I was thinking about it today while running on the sea wall. I was trying to remember why I started running marathons… then I remembered, I challenged myself to run a marathon after my first breakup in my early 20s. My friends at the time thought I was crazy. (Now they’ve learned to love me for that! hahha.)
I then began thinking of my second heartache experience which started me on my journey of personal self-growth. So many tears, so much pain. But SO WORTH IT ALL. When this happened, I started seeing a counsellor and dealing with things from my past. I read self-help book after self-help book, dug deep, and learned SO MUCH about myself. This is where my journey began :) What an amazing experience. I learned that personal growth is a life-long journey of discovery :)
Looking back today, and thinking of how hard those times were brought a smile to my face. The odd thing was that I smiled the most when I thought of the time when I got my heart BROKEN. It was squished. Big time. I don’t think I”ve ever been so hurt before or felt so small in my life. This was a long time ago, but it really helped me become more of a strong, positive, and empathetic individual. I KNOW what it feels like to go through that. And trust me, it’s a beautiful thing. Call me crazy. But when we hit rock bottom, we learn the most. We are faced with our REAL selves. We reach out and ask for help. We are vulnerable. We are human, feeling REAL emotions.
If I knew what was going on in my life right now, maybe I could write more. All I know is that I’m in a confusing and difficult place right now. The cool thing is, whatever happens, I already feel stronger. I’ve learned from my past mistakes and have not been found searching for the bottom of the cookie dough bucket (you know me well ross :) ) or drinking my sadness away on stage at the Roxy. (don’t get me wrong, I do love a good night at the roxy every once and a while ;) – just not right now :). This time around I’ve surrounded myself with my amazing family and beautiful friends. I’ve been feeling my feelings, trying to understand them. I haven’t been hiding from them. I’ve been finding myself on my yoga mat as much as possible, running around the sea wall, hiking & hugging trees, kickboxing, reading, playing the guitar, spending time with friends, studying hard at school, eating healthy, planning my future travels and smiling and laughing as much as possible.
As bad as I feel right now, I feel good. I know that I’m on the right path. Hard work pays off. Personal growth is HARD. It’s scary digging deep and learning about parts of us which we don’t necessarily like or want to accept. But with time, patience and determination we can learn to grow and change are habitual ways of being. We just have to WANT to.
I hope I can inspire someone who might be healing their broken heart. We are always learning, growing and expanding our hearts more. It never stops! Sometimes, certain things happen which just force us to learn when we might not necessarily want to. My advice (to myself too :) is to embrace these moments. Thanks for helping me see this Dad :) I understood what he was trying to tell me in this when I found myself smiling at my past heartache. It is a GOOD thing. Life is Good. FEEL IT!! Learn from it, and FEEL GOOD :)
Smile with your HEART!