Smile with your heart :)

This Friday, I’m heading back to Haiti to volunteer at a small hospital once again.  The last few weeks  have been jammed full: gathering supplies, filling out paper work, immunizations, organizing supplies, buying suntan lotion, packing supplies, making sure I’ve packed enough coffee, more paper work, emails, and it goes on.  I haven’t really had a chance to breathe, to reflect on what it is I’m actually doing.  During this whirlwind of a time, I’ve been asked the same question many times, “So, why are you going back again?”. Most of the time I’ve smiled, and given some sort of answer without a whole lot of thought.  Until tonight, when the packing is finally complete, everything is done, and all I have left to do is wait.

So, why am I going back?  Going back to a place where I know I will work the hardest I will every work, long shifts with little time to eat, little time to sleep, showering in a drizzle of water, crossing my fingers that the toilet flushes, sweating through my scrubs, using every emotion I have in me…. why?

Well.  That’s easy.  My time in Haiti last year was the most challenging experience of my life, and at the same time it was the most life changing, inspiring, and most rewarding experience I have ever had. Emotionally, physically, spiritually.  Every aspect of myself was touched.  Every aspect of myself was affected, was challenged, was questioned.  Making every aspect of myself grow.  Making me a different, more real and raw human  being.  Learning feelings I didn’t know existed within me.  Giving me the ability to see my world in a different light.  A different perspective.  Of enabling me to become more empathetic, more patient, more kind and more calm.  And on top of all this, building friendships that will last a lifetime.

I know I’m in for a tough hawl.  But.  That tough hawl is someone’s everyday reality.  So if I can help, with the skills that I have, to make that someone’s reality a little lighter, then count me in.  I know this time will be different.  And for that, I’m excited.  Nervous, but excited.  To see it all from a different view.  A bigger picture.  To help people in a different way.  Maybe not to try so hard to save as many lives with the little resources they have; but instead, to offer hope.  To offer whatever I have in me, as a glimpse of kindness.  To act as a reminder that we are all the same.  We are all in this together.  And in the end, we all just want the exact same thing.

Smile with your heart

Thanks to FIGS scrubs for donating scrubs for our trip!  For every set of scrubs sold, FIGS gives a set to a healthcare provider in need – how cool is that!

It’s been a while, so I thought I’d post up a little inspiration.  Happy Easter!

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back– Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.”
—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Commit.  Begin.  Believe in it with everything in you.  And then just trust.

I’ll see it when I believe it.

Smile with your heart.

Funny, I was researching Seasonal Affective Disorder, and didn’t realize until writing it out that its name sums it up nicely.  SAD.  Yep, this is what I’ve got.  Can anyone else relate?  Not wanting to do much besides sleep, eat, and hide with a good book and a glass of tea.  These winter months dragging on with not a whole lot of sunshine is starting to get to me.  For the past few weeks for that matter.  But it’s starting to really get to me.  I’ve had enough.  Of feeling down.  Of lacking energy.  Of not wanting to do anything.  Yep, I’ve had enough.

What do you do when you’ve had enough?  When you’ve tried everything to help lift your spirits, but nothing seems to help?  I don’t know, and this is where I’m stuck.  Taking one day at a time.  Yoga.  Friends.  Running.  Nature.  Healthy eating.  Sleep.  Not sure what else to do. We’ll see I guess.  I guess we’ll see.

Smile with your heart

This summer I moved to Squamish not knowing more than a few people.  Why such a big move?  I wanted to spend more time where I love, doing what I love, and I wanted to find more people to do this with. A bit scary, I must say.  But.  Because of this big and ballsy move, I couldn’t be happier. I’ve found home.  My home.  And the cool thing?  All of those things I love?  I’m surrounded by people who love doing exactly the same things.  Who live life the same way.  Who work and live to play, and who do a damn good job at it too.  I’ve found since moving here, it’s hard NOT to find people to do things with.  Because everyone is keen.  Everyone loves being here. Everyone loves being in the mountains just as much as me.  I’ve finally found my home.   Just go.  Don’t worry about being the only one.  Don’t worry about being alone.  Whatever it may be.  Because when you put yourself in a place that makes you feel good?  You’re bound to find people just like yourself in search of the same thing.  I know I have, and I couldn’t be happier.

Smile with your heart

(Pictures are from Mount Chief Pascal – Duffy Lake)

I’ve given myself a new challenge this year: to qualify for the Boston Marathon.    It’s been a while since I’ve run any races, but running amongst the endless amount of trails in Squamish has sparked my interest yet again.  The only catch is this: I have to somehow become 6 minutes faster than my last Boston race.  Somehow.  They’ve upped the anti, and made it that much tougher to qualify.  Jeff has been challenging me to run some gnarly hills, which the previous city-me avoided like the plague.  Why?  Because they’re hard.  They’re tough, and they’re not exactly fun.  It’s tough to ignore them now, living in Squamish – they’re everywhere.  So that’s my plan.  Hills.  And lots of them.  6 minutes faster.  Lots and lots of hills.

The other day we headed up with our snowshoes to run a challenging loop.  The snow was up to our knees.  Wet, thick and heavy west coast snow.  A quarter way in, my pouty face showed up.  A few minutes later, the wining and complaining had begun.  And then there was the stop still in my tracks: “this is too *$^&ing HARD!” that came out of my mouth. Sexy, right?  Right.  He laughed, which made me laugh and I was thankfully able to shake it off.  I was still pissed and brought my pouty face with me most of the rest of the way, but somehow managed to finish.

The next day, I decided I wanted to try it again.  I wasn’t going to let this stupid snow-packed hill win.  So we ixnayed the snowshoes and headed out yet again.  This time, even worse.  There were no other tracks.  Just ours from the day before, which had been iced over.  Great.  My shins were becoming raw from the icy snow top of the too-much-stupid-snow hill.  I began to pout (again) and yelled (again), “this SUCKS!”.  Thankfully, I have a boyfriend who challenges me and isn’t afraid to tell me to suck it up every once and a while: “Why do you think there are no other tracks out here?”, he asked as I stared back at him dumbfoundedly and still pissed, “because it IS hard”.  Very true.  Very, very true.

If you want to get anywhere in life, you have to put in some effort.  If you want to get a little bit farther, if you want to reach farther than the norm, you have to put in a whole bunch more effort than the average person would.  How do you think successful people got to where they are?  They worked hard.  They sacrificed.  They went the extra mile. They went just a little bit farther.  Maybe they even had raw shins from too much icy-snow.  Either way, they did it.  They went where it was a little too tough for anyone else. Where it was uncomfortable and scary.  Where it challenged them to their limits.  But they did it.  And ask anyone of them, the rewards were worth it.  They always are.

If you want something bad enough, reach farther.  Just a little bit farther.  Be a little bit different.  Choose a different path, take a different route.  You might not notice a lot of other tracks or other people following you along the way, but when you get to the top? Where you want to be?  They’ll be watching in awe.  Encouraged.  Inspired.  They’ll ask you what you did different.  You’ll smile modestly and say, I went just a little bit farther.

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Smile with your heart

(Pictures are from Tricouni Peak, Squamish)

Two years of general undergrad studies: didn’t get me very far but the soccer scholarships and varsity parties were pretty fun.  Four years of kinesiology: tried it, didn’t necessarily love it, continued looking for something else.  Four years of nursing school: tried it, liked it, sparked an interest, wanted more.  Six months of emergency nursing training:   Trying it.  Loving it. Found it.  Finally.  10 years later, I’ve finally found it. I’ve found something that allows me to make a living doing something I enjoy.  That makes me feel good.  That highlights my greatest skills and enables me to help people in the process.  A new chapter of my life which I intend to make as creative and adventurous as possible.

For me, it took 10 years to figure myself out.  To discover what I am most passionate about and how I can best contribute to this world whilst keeping a genuine smile on my face.  10 years.  TEN years!  If you’re still en route to finding something that makes you feel good, keep going.  Don’t rush.  Preservere.  Be bold.  Be courageous. Take the risk.  Don’t give up.  Keep trying different routes until you find your unique niche.  Something that brings a smile across your face and a smile to your heart. That makes you feel good. That makes you feel alive. That makes you say, “I can’t imagine myself doing anything else”.  Don’t ever settle for anything less.  Ever.

Most importantly, remember this:
Our jobs do not define us.  Rather, our jobs make up just one more piece of the brilliant and creative mosaic we call our life.  So the next time you go to ask someone, “what do you do for a living?”  Perhaps rethink your question.  Perhaps ask this instead, “tell me more about yourself. What is it that you love to do?”  Notice the smiles that instantly start to form and the passion that begins to flow.  The open and honest conversation that begins to form.  THIS is passion. THIS is life.

We are our passion.  It’s what we do best.  Share it in any way you can.  There’s endless possibilities of what you can do with it.  Absolutely endless.

Here’s to a new chapter in my life, sharing as much of the heart felt stories and lessons learned along the way.

Smile with your heart(Pictures are from Keith’s Hut, Pemberton, BC)

A 43 year old female is brought into the ER by the paramedics.  Already intubated, CPR has been going for over an hour and a half now.  The trauma bay is full, so the acute side it will be.  A wide eyed little granny across the way witnesses the young woman being torn of her clothes, leads being put in place, and lines started in a room full of 10 or so people dressed head to toe in blue.  And then the curtains close.  CPR continues.  The electrical rhythm on the monitor signifies a heart unable to perfuse.  No clues as to a reason why. Absolutely none.

Twenty minutes in, the doctor calmly reports that if no signs of life return, this will be the last shock.  The machine is charged, for the last time, to 200 Joules.  All clear, everybody clear.  Shock.  Hoping, hoping.  Pulse check.  Hoping.  Nothing.  The code is called at 2145.  Just like that.

That’s it.  Just like that.  A young, healthy woman who was out walking her dog 3 hours earlier is now being cleaned and properly presented so that her family does not have to see the blood, the tubes, the remnants of lost hope.  Her 8 and 10 year old daughters and husband will see their loved one peaceful and calm.  No more yelling, no more panic.

As I overhear the tears and screams of terror coming from the room with closed curtains, I try to hide the tears that are wanting to start from inside of me.  How could this be? Why THIS family?  They are so young.  They had no idea.  It’s not fair.  It’s just not fair.

As I try to redirect my attention and focus on the rest of my assignment, mildly distraught and definitely shooken up, I start to reflect on my own life.  I start to think: When’s the last time I told the people I care about most that I love them?  Have I made sure to tell them how I really feel?  How much they mean to me??  Have I made enough time for them?  Have I?

We have no idea when this life we often take for grated will be taken away from us.  It is much too precious.  Tell your loved ones you love them.  Without any expectations. Without any fear.  Just tell them.  Just like that.

Smile with your heart

(Pictures are from Brohm Ridge, Squamish)

Happy Birthday Mandy!

It’s been months of blog-free nights.  It actually feels kind of funny sitting here typing away my thoughts.  Kind of like an old healthy habit trying to make it’s way back in. Craving it, wanting it, but not really knowing how to begin.  It’s easy to blow it off one more day.  I’ll start tomorrow, my famous line.  Eating less sugar, drinking more water, practicing more yoga.  You  name it, the list goes on.  I want to write.  I refuse to put it off any longer.  But where do I even start?

Sometimes it can feel daunting.  The very thought of trying to start.  Of committing to something, knowing that it will be anything but easy at first.  That’s when it’s important to remember this: just start.  No matter how awkward or uncomfortable it may feel. Somewhere, anywhere.  Just start.  If you know what you want, and you know where you want to be, all you have to do is take that first step.  One strong and confident simple step in the direction you choose.  That’s it.  Which is exactly what I’m doing with this post.  Starting.  Creating a new habit.  Creating new momentum.  Creating change.  How else do you think it’s gonna happen?!

“Take the first step in faith.  You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

Smile with your heart!

(Pictures are from Red Heather, Garibaldi Park, Squamish)

“Being happy can be hard work sometimes.  It is like maintaining a nice home – you’ve got to hang on to your treasures and throw out the garbage.  Being happy requires looking for good things.  One person sees the beautiful view and the other sees the dirty window.  You choose what you see and you choose what you think.” – Andrew Matthews

Brohm Ridge

Smile with your heart

(Pictures from Brohm Ridge, Squamish)

Just a little reminder that the best things in life,

…aren’t things.

Smile with your heart

(Picture from the top of The Chief, Squamish)